Some of it is good.
Too much of it suffocates. Kills. Extinguishes.
I create pressure for myself in several ways. Sometimes, I remind myself how long I have been working towards a particular goal, and then tell myself, “you could’ve finished that by now.” Other times, I think about people my age and all they’ve accomplished and acquired (master’s degree holders, homeowners *yes, my age*, and first promotions) and I tell myself, “if only you would’ve kept a job long enough or gone for that master’s..”
Dealing with all of this is difficult. Managing my expectations for myself, and keeping others’ expectations out of my mind, is a daunting task. It means that I have not yet gained the confidence needed to completely walk in my purpose–people’s opinions have to matter less when you’re going into your creative lane. Creativity is guided by intuition, and is most readily available to us when we are allowing ourselves to process our emotions. Emotional energy has a direct correlation to creative energy. This is where social media comes in:
I hate to be that person on social media whose stuff you want to swipe away from or scroll past because it’s negative or portraying some sort of strong emotion. However, as someone who shares their work mainly via these channels, authenticity had become more important than posting content I knew people would like. Authenticity is still key in what I’m doing, but I’ve also learned this: I have much more emotional agility than a lot of people I know. I can process my emotions in a way that doesn’t trigger me anymore, but I’m sure I have triggered others with my work. I have used my writing as therapy to a certain extent, and I realize that means a lot of my work is raw and hard to process.
Social media is also a place where I have expanded my platform by serving and guiding others. I have discussed a variety of topics at length, both in my blog and via live sessions on Instagram. It’s a place where people look to me for inspiration, motivation, and reassurance. These are aspects of my platform I normally enjoy, but as of late I was finding myself drained.
I was too busy posting on social media and trying to continue to help people that I was running on E again–like a car without gas, breaking down on the road unexpectedly. I was getting into altercations and experiencing serious fatigue followed by days of insomnia. I wasn’t even processing my emotions. I was suppressing them in order to be able to “show up” for the people who look to me for help and guidance. Unable to work through emotions, I found myself with writer’s block all over again.
My goals took a hit: I had to push back a personal deadline for a project, and my ego took a hit along with this deadline push. No longer clear on my immediate next steps, I went back to the drawing board.
I checked in with myself about what needed work (within) and what I need to work on externally. What emotions need to be worked through so that I can complete this project? What stands in the way of making the next steps happen? Which obstacles are self-imposed? These were all key questions to ask myself, and the answers have given me the clarity to continue my journey in confidence.
Some steps I took as a result:
- Gradually made myself less accessible to people (deleted IG from my phone, deleted my Snapchat account, allowed my phone service to be turned off, and deactivated Facebook)
- Got back to writing in a journal
- Cut down the amount of time I spend on electronic devices
- Started a routine for working on my writing that is more synchronized with my current emotional state
The number one thing that I struggle to remember at times is that success will not happen overnight–it is the result of consistently working towards goals and believing in the path you choose. You can have unlimited talent and potential, but you must exercise discipline, integrity, authencity, and balance in life in order to make use of it all. You have to trust and utilize your intuition. You have to ground yourself when things around you are in a state of chaos. You have to believe in your ability to execute your goals and make your dreams come true, and you have to be unapologetic about how you get to that state.
So, shine on & take those breaks from life and people when you need them. Do it all in the name of your future.
Sending love, light, and infinite blessings–